Whisper of Angels
by Emeline Pigott
Summary: Winchesters don't just have blind faith. They have each other. Rated 'M' for hunters with a wide vocabulary.
1. Ambiguity

**Whisper of Angels**

**-1-**

**Ambiguity**

**Summary: **Winchesters don't just have blind faith, they have each other.

**Author's Note: Season 3 spoilers. Set post-**_**Long Distance Call. **_

**Disclaimer: Well, I'm sad to say my state of affairs have not changed since the last posting. I still do not own Sam or Dean, or Supernatural, or anything connected to SN…my brother's got a dog that looks like a windego though, that should count for something I think.**

* * *

"Dude, I'm gonna go check out the bar." Dean said, "You coming with?"

Dean grabbed his jacket pretty sure of what Sam's reply would be. _No Dean, I'm going to keep researching._

"No." Sam didn't bother to look up from the book he was looking at. "I'm gonna keep researching."

_Naturally...and was he on the money or what?_

Dean sighed, "Of course. Well, you know where I'll be."

Dean didn't bother to grab the keys, the bar was right across the street and this way he could easily get good and drunk--which he had every intention of doing. After his idiot move in Ohio...he'd like to drown every memory of it.

_Maybe blind faith is all I have._

How stupid couple he have been, wanting to believe in something like that was nothing more than desperation. Nothing could save him now.

_Nothing left to believe in._

--

As soon as Dean left, Sam pulled out their dad's journal and flipped open to the page he'd marked.

Sam pulled back the carpet, and drew the diagram his father had sketched god only knows how long ago. It was simple, and to the point. After all, the only thing he wanted was to talk to her.

**Exorciziamus te, omnis immundus spiritus…**

Sam paused for a moment, thinking about Dean's persistence that they don't work with Ruby…but he had to do this.

…**omnis legio, omnis congregatio et secta diabolico. Invoato a nobis sancto…**

The books, and the professors, soothsayers, psychics, they all knew nothing. Ruby was Dean's only chance.

Ruby was Sam's only chance to make things right.

…**Dominicos sanctal ecclestial . Terogamus audi nos**

There was no wind, no theatricals, just the faint smell of sulfur and a flash of light, and he was face to face with Ruby.

"Jeez, Sam, if you wanted to see me all you had to do was ask. The whole summoning thing is a bit overkill, don't you think?"

Ruby looked down at the pentagram that kept her closed in, irritated. "Sam, you mind?" She gestured down.

"Yeah," He said pointedly, "I do."

Ruby sighed, "Well, what has you in such a fine mood that I'm being leashed. Dean lurking around here too?"

"Its just you and me." Sam replied.

"Great. Now, as much as I love being caged up like this...let me _out_!"

"We're going to talk first."

"About what?" Ruby asked, growing pretty damn pissed with him. "How you're treating me like your common demon when I've been trailing after you saving yours and your brother's sorry asses, how you lost the damn gun that I fixed for you to keep your asses alive and breathing...stop me when I'm getting warm!" She shouted at him. Morons, the both of them, she swore.

"I was thinking you could maybe tell me why the hell you lied to me about Dean?"

"Unbelievable, all the secrets big brother keeps from you and this is the one he decides to spill." Ruby shook her head, "Idiot."

"You lied to me."

"Welcome to the real world, Sam. It happens, okay. I did what it took to get you to trust me," Ruby said. "Besides, you know, look whose talking, huh? You're just as full of secrets as the rest of us."

Sam ignored the comment. "Right, because lying to me about being able to save Dean makes you so trustworthy."

"Oh, _right_, because Sam, you've been so upfront and honest." Ruby shot back.

"What are you talking about? You're the one…"

"No! _You _Sam, you lied to your brother about Lilith wanting to string you up and devour your soul, and _you _are the one who keeps pretending that all those nightmares you've had recently…that they're just nightmares. Even though you know damn well they aren't."

"How do you know about the nightmares I've been having?" Sam felt a chill run up his spine at the mention.

"Its time to be grownups Sam, so why don't we just call them what they are. Visions, premonitions, what_ever_...not like it matters. What does matter is that the entire demonic world, they know about your visions too. God, you know, I bet Dean is going to be seriously pissed with you when he gets down to hell and finds out from some low level, 'not worth peanuts' sort of demon who looks like an eight dollar hooker that Sammy is back to being vision boy…he's gonna be pretty pissed that you didn't tell him."

"What do they mean?"

"Why do you insist on asking questions you already know the answer to?" Ruby said, with a slight smile, they had a chance at this now. She hadn't been positive the visions would come back…it just might be her saving grace. "If I were you, I'd be asking a better question."

"Can I save Dean?" Sam asked her, unsure if he wanted to hear the answer.

"Well, not the question I was aiming for…_also_, I'm not a freakin' soothsayer!" Ruby snapped, "If I'm helping you again, it'd be nice to have some free movement."

It was only marker, and so Sam scuffed it with the toe of his shoe, hoping to god this wasn't a mistake.

"Much better." Ruby seemed a bit more relaxed now.

"Answer the question Ruby."

"Hey, you've seen it Sam." Ruby told him, "I've only heard about it. I'd love a first hand account though."

"Screw you."

"Oh, how very Dean of you." Ruby tossed herself back on the nearest bed. "You know, you should be a hell of a lot nicer to me, Sam."

"Why did you help me?" Sam questioned.

"Still trying to figure it out, huh, Sam? Why I'm not evil?"

"I wouldn't necessarily say that." Sam told her, "You're still a demon. You're evil"

"Oh, how very black and white of you." Ruby scoffed, "Because you're one to judge, right? Being one hundred percent human like you are."

"Its different. I'm not like you." _I'm not evil, I won't be._

"Really?" Ruby said, "Because I don't think so. Everyday you sit there, with the thoughts of all the things you _could _do screaming in your head…but you don't."

"A demon can make the choice." Sam ventured, "If they want."

"Not quite, genius." Ruby said, "Give it another go." Ruby propped herself up on her elbows as she watched him process it…and the whole world was depending on this kid, it was a damn sad state of things. "By the way, if you want to bitch about whose keeping secrets from who, maybe you and Dean should have a long chat…he's the one whose just chock full of answers.

"What are you talking about Ruby?"

"You Winchesters, you're just champs at keeping secrets from one another, John, Dean, you…and none of you seem to notice this little pattern of it not working out for you."

"What do you _know?" _Sam demanded of her, he was done playing games with demons.

"Your brother's terrified of going to hell, and you don't have the slightest idea why." Ruby stated.

"Because its hell." Sam spat back at her, "I think it's sort of self-explanatory."

"Not as so much as you might think." Ruby said, "Hell's not just a eternal hellfire wrapped up in a prison of misery."

"Really? Because I thought that pretty much sums it up." Sam felt a chill of fear run through him at the prospect of his brother going through all that, suffering all that for him--_because of him._

"There's that but there's also the part where after years, decades, maybe even centuries, it warps you and twists you until you become…well, the things you hunt, Sam."

"No." Sam couldn't, he refused to believe that could be the truth. That after everything…Dean would be the one to become evil. His brother had given everything to make sure it didn't happen to him…he couldn't let that happen to Dean.

"Yes." Ruby corrected.

"How'd you do it?" He asked. "How'd you fight it?"

"Luck of the draw, I think. No matter how hard I tried…I couldn't get rid of my humanity." Ruby sighed, "Damn karma."

"Dean has a month." Sam said, "I have to break his deal. I have to."

"Good thing you've got leverage." Ruby said getting up from the bed with a jump. "I should go, if you're back in the game maybe I can see about re-attaining the colt for you. Give Dean my best, won't you?"

Ruby disappeared and Sam walked back over to kick the carpet back in place, covering the pentagram.

He _had _to break Dean from his deal.

--


	2. Pull the Trigger

**Whisper of Angels**

**Pull The Trigger **

**-2-**

**--**

Five years alone seems longer.

Five years in hell though, that feels like an eternity.

It's endless griefmiserysadness with no way out.

(No trigger to pull to end it all.)

It's watching mommy burn on the ceiling, watching her scream as the flames eat away at her flesh but not hearing any sound.

It's all silence filled in with his whispers of what you will become.

strongerbetterevil

You're a child and pinned to the floor of a cage made of sorrow, and bone, and pain, and most importantly nightmares you thought went away a long time ago.

You're just a child and its an endless loop of watching mommy die and screaming a constant mantra of, "no _mommy _no!"

All the meanwhile her blood dripdrip_drips_ onto your face, Lucifer's own version of Chinese water torture.

Soon, he thinks, soon the boy will break.

--

He's seeing Dean's not-future unravel before his eyes.

Sam wakes up with a start every time seeing Dean's not future in hell--how can he call it a future, future signifies that which will come and it can't. Dean's not future can't possibly happen.

He can't leave Dean to that but he doesn't know how to stop it.

_Yes, you do Sammy, _taunts the voice in his head.

The fallen angel on his shoulder.

--

"You'll protect me, right Dean?" Sammy asks of his big brother. "Watch out for me?"

"I'm your big brother, I'll always watch out for you Sammy." Dean's words feel empty, like he knows its all a carefully orchestrated nightmare but he doesn't even care, he doesn't even know except those are Sammy's big brown doe eyes looking down at him begging, and pleading and…_innocent_. "I'll always take care of you."

He wants to cry.

"But you can't." Sam shakes his head to emphasize his statement. "You can't, Dean. Not anymore."

Sam's eyes flash black again, black as his soul, as all of this place.

Dean doesn't know how he can see anything in the darkness that surrounds him, but he can see the eyes that he remembers as looking so curious, so full of life…empty.

"If you change you can protect me Dean. Make sure nothing happens to me. Make sure they don't hurt me." Sam's innocent doe eyes look back at him, and he thinks he's on fire because all he feels is pain and pleasepleaseplease.

(Pull the trigger.)

But there isn't one, he can't run, he can't fight, there's nothing left.

"If you don't they'll kill me."

Sam's scared, so scared.

_Look after Sammy._

Right Dad

_Bring him back._

You get one year.

Fine.

_Protect Sammy._

He protected Sammy. He failed, and he fixed it.

_Watch out for Sammy._

He did.

_Protect Sammy._

What else is he supposed to do?

"Okay Sammy." Dean tells him.

He gives in. What else could he possibly do?

"Okay."

--

When he woke up, he ran to the bathroom and was sick. He vomited into the toilet and hoped, and prayed, and begged that Dean would not wake up and hear him.

Even in hell, he was the end to his brother.

Dean turns to save him.

Well, fuck them all. He has leverage.

He has something that Lucifer wants a _hell _of a lot more than his brother.

--

He doesn't need to summon Ruby this time. She knows the time has come, and she appears; Colt in hand.

"Figured it out?" She asks.

"Fuck you." Sam knows that she knew it all, all of it before he ever even realized she was lying to him.

He feels used. He wants to kill her, but he won't. He needs her and they both know it.

"Smart boy." She hands him the Colt.

Sam takes it and looks at it for a moment before tucking it away.

"Why?" he asks her.

"Because," she says, "You're the crown prince Sam."

_The future of the world depends on you._

"I don't care."

"You should." Ruby said. She glances in the direction of Dean, sleeping and oblivious to his future being transposed. "He will."

_--_

_Crossroads._

Where he'd been born again.

_Where pacts are made._

She was waiting for him when he showed up.

"I knew you'd be coming." She tells him, giving a slight wave with a document in hand.

Dean's contract.

"You want to make a deal?" She prompts him.

"It's a hell of a lot more valuable than Dean's soul." Sam reminds her.

"Possibly." She replies.

"My soul. My humanity. Dean gets a future." Sam says.

She smiles, and for a second she looks beautiful before her eyes flash blood red. "Deal."

It won't kill him, at the very least not all of him. Just the human part.

--

"Hey Sunshine." Ruby says, growing impatient of waiting for Dean to wake up naturally.

"What the fuck?" Dean jumps out of bed with a start. "Sam! Sam-"

But then he realizes Sam isn't here, just himself and Ruby. It scares him.

"Not here." She states simply, sitting on Sam's bed cross-legged and watching Dean carefully. "Sweet dreams?"

"Fuck you." Dean said, "Get out of here or I'll-"

"What? Kill me?" She smiles coyly. "But you can't Dean. Sam could though…I gave him the Colt after I snapped the girl's neck. He left with it."

"Where the hell did he go?"

"Sam? Not a big talker so…never can be sure." Ruby shrugged, "He was pretty troubled by those visions though. They really aren't pretty…and having them screaming in his head for nearly a year…"

Dean felt a chill run through him, and wanted to wake up from this nightmare. "The visions are gone."

"Yeah," Ruby sighed, "I forgot…he lied to you about that. You lied to him about hell. But well, since I've caught everyone up on everything…"

"You bitch." How could Sam lie to him? Why would Sam lie to him?

_Same reason you lied to him._

"Possibly." Ruby nodded her head slowly. "I am working with my own agenda…but you need me."

"Sam and I don't need you."

"Maybe not. Sam needs you though."

"What are you talking about?"

"What Sam's doing right now…saving your life. You know, trading his humanity, the part that makes him y'know _Sammy, _for your life."

"What the hell did you do?" Dean feels like he did when he realized Sammy wasn't asleep, that his baby brother had gone to sleep forever.

"Nothing. I told him what would happen to you, but he had visions of it long before…who knows what he saw. I'm guessing it was something pretty bad."

"I don't care what it takes, what I have to do. I'm going to kill you."

He'd rather turn evil than watch it consume his brother and turn Sam into what Sammy could never be.

And now he had no choice.

"I will kill you."

--

Her kiss is hungry but empty.

_The kiss of shame._

She releases him and he feels…no different.

_In time Sammy_, whispers a voice in his head. What scares him is he doesn't know if its his voice anymore.

The contract is handed to him.

"Deal." She tells him with a smile, fading away into nothingness.

--


	3. Lachrymose

_**Whisper of Angels**_

_**Lachrymose **_

_**-3- **_

--

When Sam walks back in the door to the motel Dean is still sitting at the table eyes red-rimmed with fear, and anger, and sorrow.

He's finally failed in his promises he realizes; his promise to his mom, his promises to his dad--he can no longer protect Sam.

When he looks up and sees Sam standing there looking the same as always his entire being is flooded with fury.

He grabs Sam by the collar and pushes him against the wall, slamming him into the cheap plaster more forcefully than he thinks he does.

"You goddamn bastard!" He screams, "How could you do that Sam, huh? How? I told you to leave it alone! I told you…I told you…" Dean loosens his grip on Sam who still hasn't said a thing and for the second time in a year he cries for his brother.

--

Sam had a million justifications planned out in his mind.

_There's more than just blind faith._

Like any of them even matter though. He knows what he's done and his future is inescapable.

_I told you I'd save you._

When Dean starts to cry they all become pure shit though, and all he has left is the truth; and the truth scares the hell out of him.

_I couldn't be the one to make you into a demon._

Becoming a demon himself is one thing, turning his brother into one is unforgivable.

He's seen Dean cry twice in his life that he can remember.

One.

When their dad died.

Two.

He was six. Dean was ten. He asked him why they didn't have a mommy. Dean said she died. Sam told him that he hated her for leaving them.

**-- **

"You shouldn't have done that, Sam." Dean's finished crying and now he's working this out in his head, trying to fix it, _still trying to protect Sam, _because it's all he knows_._

"You shouldn't have brought me back." Sam justifies.

He can't tell Dean what he saw, he doesn't even want to think about it himself. Dean's complete lack of self-preservation still scares him. If he turns into a demon--_when_, the voice in his head corrects--what will happen then?

Dean doesn't reply. He's explained it so many times, he can't--_won't_--do it again. Either way, Sam was wrong to have made that deal.

"What did you see?" Dean asks him. Even though, deep down, he's not sure if he really wants to know. Does he want Sam to tell him that hell won? That he became a killer? That he actually became the things he hunts without mercy.

"So, Ruby was here?" Sam can't see any other way for his brother to know.

"Told me you were having visions again. That you've been having them for the last _year_, Sam. What? Mention of it just slipped your mind?"

"You were lying too." Ruby's words come back to him. "Dean, why didn't you tell me about…about hell?" Sam struggles to ask the question, scared that it will bring them back to what he saw, but he has to ask. He needs to know if Dean knew it would be him to make him a demon, to destroy him.

_You can't escape me, Dean. You're going to die. You're going to die and this is what you're going to become._

"What'd you want me to tell you, huh, Sam? That yeah, I'm going to hell, gonna face down the end of barrel of this thing, _hell_, and see who wins; that I could turn into some demon? Like that was going to make it any easier for you?"

_Except you're not facing down hell, or even just any demon_, Sam thinks, _you're facing down me_.

And I win, how am I supposed to forgive myself for that?

--

"Sam. Dean." Ruby looks from Sam, to Dean, and back to Sam.

They had great poker faces, she'd give them that…she couldn't be sure.

_Did he do it? _

God, she really hoped so. If not she was dead, if he did…she was just hoping that they both realized they weren't going to survive this without her, and decide to put a bullet in her head.

Dean worried her, he was finicky…and he _really _hadn't taken her last visit so well. But then again, Sam wasn't exactly touting the 'trust Ruby' flag anymore either.

She could stand there and argue back and forth with herself for hours over whether or not Sam had actually gone and done it...but truth was she could never be sure. Ruby was figuring herself for lucky right now though--unless Sam really hadn't made the deal--that Dean didn't have the Colt shoved in her face, explaining to her why he was going to send her back down to hell.

Neither one still isn't saying anything, fine. Ruby sighs, nothing in life is ever easy.

"Boys, your people skills need work. Anyone ever tell you that?"

"Fuck you." Sam says.

Dean doesn't have a reply, but glances behind him. He's looking for his gun.

_Of course he is, the idiot, keeps thinking its all so god damn black and white._

"So, you figured things out, Sam?" Ruby reaches behind her, onto Dean's bedside table. She directs her statement to Dean as she picks up his gun, weighing it in her hands. "You know, I think John would be pretty damn disappointed, you leaving firearms around with demons lurking about like this, its just not safe."

Dean goes pale, _Jesus_, _he'd thought he'd had his gun_…

"Put it down." Sam told her, reaching for the Colt. "I'll kill you I swear."

Ruby points the gun at him and pulls the trigger. If it kills him it doesn't matter because then she'll be dead anyways, and so will they.

--

It's a weird sensation being shot at and not feeling it.

Sam pulls his hand back from his chest and its covered with blood, but he didn't even feel it. Except for knocking him off balance, he didn't feel a damn thing. But he knows its happened because he has a nine millimeter hole in his chest, and his shirt is stained with blood.

Sam remembers the Colt in his hand again and points it at her.

Ruby smiles, "Good."

"No!" Dean jumps up from his seat and pulls the Colt from Sam's hand. He's still trying to wrap his head around the fact that she shot his brother and Sam's still standing. He's not even sure of what he's doing except that he thinks he's doing the right thing. At the very least, he hopes to god he is.

"Dean, what the _hell _are you _doing_?" Sam asks him, "She's fucked us both, she deserves to go to hell."

"That's probably true," Ruby said, "But Sammy, Dean's doing something you're not very good at."

Sam looked at his brother.

"What's she talking about?"

"You can't kill her Sam." Dean hates saying it, and the words are difficult, Ruby's the only way he knows of to stop Sam from turning into anything.

He's going to keep protecting Sam even if it kills him. He won't let his brother turn into something evil for him.

"Why?" Sam asks--_demands_. He wants Ruby to go to hell, he wants to punish her for stringing him along. For not telling him what she knew before, because he trusted her and now he feels like a fool.

"Because I'm the only person, _anywhere_, who knows, and can help you." Ruby says. She's enjoying this, and they can tell.

"I don't need your help."

"I wouldn't be so sure." Ruby says, tossing the gun onto the bed. "I'd clean that up if I were you, infections are a bitch."

Ruby disappears with a grin. They'll call on her soon

--

"You should have let me shoot her." Sam says.

Dean tries to ignore Sam as he digs through flesh and muscle trying to remove the bullet. _Friggin' bitch. _it's a little unsettling to see that Sam doesn't even flinch…its like he doesn't feel pain anymore.

"Dean!" Sam's furious, they don't need her, Dean had been right to begin with. He never should have trusted some demon.

Dean stops what he's doing, setting down the peroxide and surgical tweezers.

"You really want to talk about 'what should haves', Sam?" Dean looks straight at his brother. If Sam's determined to hash the whole damn thing out, fine he'll do it. "You _should _have listened to me when I told you we had no business working with demons, you should have let me go to hell, I was ready man--I made my peace with what I'd done, it was my choice…_I was trying to protect you!" _

"Well, what about you, Dean? What about protecting yourself?" Sam demands, "I couldn't watch you go to hell for me."

"Yeah? Well you should have." Dean says, looking away from him. It was never supposed to go like this. "You should have let me go to hell, and you know what? You should have told me about the damn visions being back!"

"So its back to that?"

"Yeah, you're damn right it is." Dean tells him, "I've given _everything _trying to keep you safe

"Well, what about you, huh?" Sam asks, "_What about you_?"

Dean felt guilty as he looked at Sam, Sam was scared, Sam was still Sammy and this entire thing was his fault.

"I guess neither one of us has to worry about _me _anymore." Dean says pointedly, how can he be happy that he's not going to hell when Sam is damned like this and supposed to become a demon--_for him_.

He felt guilty as hell for that.

"This doesn't have to be the end." Sam tries to reassure his brother, reassure himself. The reality's sinking in now, he's a demon.

Dean picks back up the tweezers and pushes Sam back into the chair.

"You're damn right it isn't." Dean tells him, "Sit."

"Dean…?" He hates it when Dean does that, he's not a freakin' dog.

Dean comes back with two beers in hand. "Here." He says handing one to Sam.

Sam's confused, what? All is suddenly forgiven and okay? That's just not like Dean.

Sam takes a sip and watches Dean do the same.

Dean sighs, sets down he beer, and picks up the tweezers for the third and last time. "You're not gonna give into this Sam."

Sam looks at him, he knows what Dean is referring to.

Dean gets a hold of the bullet and pulls it out.

"And if I can't?"

Dean hears the unspoken request but he's going to ignore it. He'll never answer that question again.

"You will." His voice is firm, he looks up at Sam, "I mean, c'mon dude, what kind of demon would let me treat him like a dog?"

Dean grins, ignoring the threat that is closing in on the happiness he has. Everything's going to be okay, this time they're going to use Ruby…its not over by a long shot for him.

--


End file.
